Puppies and Death: Full and Empty

I tried to blog last week.  I composed many blogs in my head as I was doing other things, but when I sat down to actually write, I couldn't do it.  Writing it made it too real and too sad.  Abby's dead.

I'd say she was a good dog, but she wasn't.  She was rotten.  And we loved her for it.  When we came home the first thing she'd do was look for something to pick up.  She'd stand at the door with something in her mouth and wait to us to yell at her.  Once we did her tail would wag and she'd drop it.  Bad dog. But a good bad dog.  She was an old girl and when she threw up 10 times in one night, Evan took her to the vet.  She said Abby was in the process of dying.  She lost 5 pounds in a week and was losing her fur in chunks.  I knew she was dying for a long time, I just didn't want to admit it.  I tried to pass it off as her arthritis or her thyroid problem, which were both signs she was getting old, but I didn't want to see it.  In the end, Evan was the one who was with her when she died.  I am so grateful to him for sparing me the pain, but I also grieve for him because I was with Brodie and it was horrible.

We knew Abby was nearing the end and we thought we should think about getting a puppy while we still had an older dog to show the new one the ropes.  Well, looking at puppies quickly turned into applying to multiple rescues to actually get a puppy.  Unfortunately, we never got the overlap that we wanted.  Abby died the day before we went to the rescue to get Jack.

Evan and I both felt very guilty about getting Jack so soon after losing Abby, but Jack was never intended to be a replacement for Abby.  No one could ever replace her.  The thing that I love about Jack is that he's nothing like Abby.  He's Jack.  If anything, I see Brodie in him.  His puppiness brings back memories of a puppy Abby and Brodie.  Back when they were our only kids and we were first married.  It's funny having something from this life, the one where we've been married for 10 years and have 4 kids, overlap with our old life, where we were just starting out, just the two of us-and our dogs.

But enough about my tears and reminiscing!  We got Jack from Save A Mom Pregnant Dog Rescue in East Sparta, Ohio.  It's a fantastic rescue!  She only takes in pregnant or new mom dogs.  Jack is from Trixie's litter.  Trixie had already been adopted when we went to meet Jack, but we got to see some of his littermates.  We knew that we wanted to get a puppy, but not a PUPPY so Jack was a good age, 3.5 months (he was born on St Patrick's Day).  There were a few other litters there to choose from, but Denise, who runs the rescue, was able to tell us which dogs she thought we be a good fit for our family.  She led us in the right direction with Jack.  He has enough puppy in him to keep up with the kids, but he's really a pretty shy and calm guy.  We had him two full days before we even heard him bark.  He's only 14 lbs and Denise and the vet both think he'll only get to be about 30.
The only bad thing about her rescue is that unlike other rescues where they're all living in foster care, when you go to pick out your dog, you have to leave many more behind.  The day after losing Abby, it was very hard to walk away from the Rotty mom she had there.  Luckily, the Rott pups were only 4 days old so we weren't tempted to get an Abby look alike, although there was a litter of boxers, but they weren't ready to go yet and as you can imagine, my kids were ready to take their dog home NOW!  So Jack it was (I was actually kind of surprised that all of them agreed on the same pup!)  I'm still thinking about that Rotti and her pups and one of the other dogs that she had there, but housebreaking Jack and making sure he's not chewing things he's not supposed to is keeping my mind pretty occupied-thank goodness!  Check out SAM's Petfinder page to see all of the adoptable dogs. (Jack is still on there under Trixie's Boys.)
I feel good about getting a rescue dog, but I also feel good about getting a dog from this rescue.  We got Brodie from the Franklin County Animal Shelter (the dog pound) and I always felt like he was a true rescue.  Abby was from a rescue group, but she was one of the only litters they had and I felt like I wasn't really rescuing her because I know that puppies go fast.  Jack, on the other hand, came all the way from Alabama (and yes, I do hear a little southern drawl in his bark).  His mom was pulled from a high kill shelter by a good samaritan who thought she could find a local rescue to take the pregnant dog.  No one would.  So she kept the mom until she had the pups, thinking that someone would take them.  They wouldn't.  So she drove 10 hours in her new Mustang to meet Denise, who WOULD take them.  And that's the story of how a little dog, who's pregnant mother was about to be euthanized made his way to Canton, Ohio to be sleeping in the corner to the left of my table while I blog, exhausted from the 5 minutes he spent attacking a scrub brush, distracting me from the big, empty space on my right that used to be where Abby slept when I was at the table.  Full and empty.