Cry It Out

There are a million different parenting styles.  I've read quite a few books, pulled what I like best from each and tried them.  Of my 4 kids, all 4 have and are parented a little differently.  I know people that swear by BabyWise and do that with all their kids, or sear by Attachment Parenting and do THAT with all their kids,  but I'm kind of a hodge-podge, which is sometimes my downfall, I think.

I brought Olivia home from the hospital at midnight.  I was exhausted from labor and one night in the hospital and I had to have the other three kids up and dressed for the Hall Of Fame (aka Donut) parade the next morning at 7.  Instead of doing the fight to get Olivia to sleep in her pack and play I just put her in bed with me and nursed her to sleep.  And so it began. I knew what I was getting into when I did it, so I'm 100% at fault, but
ever since that night, I've followed "Do what works now" with her as far as napping and night-time.  Survival mode is what my pediatrician calls it.  (Who, herself has 4 kids).  But now she's a year and still not sleeping through the night.  She wasn't going to sleep at a normal time (she would go to bed when we went to bed) and she was up every few hours at night, just to nurse for a second then drift back off to sleep.  It wasn't a big deal until she learned to roll (off the bed) and stand up and scream in the middle of the bed in the middle of the night.  I needed evenings to myself.  I just needed a minute, or two hours, to be kid-free, to do the things I love, like folding laundry and writing the grocery list, without trying to deal with a cranky or sleeping baby in my arms.  My pediatrician had been recommending Dr Ferber to me for awhile.  He's know for his "Cry It Out" method of sleep training.  Basically, you let the kid cry for longer and longer periods of time to teach them to fall asleep on their own.  I always dismissed this because the kids all share rooms.  I was willing to sacrifice my sleep for the good of everyone else in the house who would be subjected to a screaming baby all night long.  But I AM a believer in shaping as a form of teaching (or taking baby steps to get to the end goal).    So I decided that I would work with her to get her to be able to fall asleep in her crib on her own.  (This is after we got to the point where she would actually stay asleep when I put her in her crib asleep.)  So I nursed her, cuddled her then put her in her crib, awake, with Ellie on the bottom bunk so she had someone in the room with her.  I layed down on the floor beside her crib, reached through the crib slats and talked to her..for an hour.  She cried and stood up and I picked her up again and again and soothed her and put her back down.  When I actually got in the crib with her and had a flash of Terms of Endearment, I though, "this is enough!" I kissed her and left the room.  (I also gave poor Ellie an apology on my way out the door.)  Less than a minute later, she was asleep.  I chalked it up to the fact that she was so tired, but the next night I prepared to do the same thing, minus getting in the crib, that's just crazy!, put right when I put her in her crib I realized Jack was sniffing around and needed to go out FAST.  So I kissed her, apologized to Ellie and took Jack outside to potty.  Came back in--Olivia was asleep.  All this time, when I've been worried about letting her cry it out and trying to hold her until she fell asleep, she didn't really need it!  She cries for a few seconds then is asleep.  I take the crying to be her version of the older kids "I don't want to go to bed!" protests.  We're still working on sleeping through the night,  but I have a few hours at night where I can get some things done kid-free.  Most importantly, she'll put herself to sleep at night on vacation.  I tested out our new method at naptime and was AMAZED to find that she often doesn't even fuss at all at nap time.  She'll sleep for much longer periods of time and is just a generally more pleasant kid--if you can get past her dirty looks.

We have to strip her down to her diaper for meals.  She's not the neatest eater.  But clearly always pleasant!

Attachment parenting is really what I would call the "natural" parenting style, but I'm not perfectly natural.  Sometimes we eat HFCS and my kids eat hot dogs and I still can't quite seem to make the transition to vegan.  I've been known to throw away something that could be recycled because I'm simply too lazy to walk it to the recycle bin.  Sometimes I leave the lights on in a room when I leave it because I intend to be right back.  And sometimes I let my kids cry it out.